In today’s two practice periods, review all that we have covered thus far, beginning with the first step and continuing on up to include the preceding day’s step. Then consider the entire sequence of the steps together. It is very important at this juncture that you not require that you have any conclusions, but that you ask questions and realize the extent to which you need true Knowledge. If you undertake this practice today sincerely, it will be most evident that you have this great need. You are vulnerable without your assumptions, but you are also in a position to receive truth and certainty in life.
Take two practice periods today, 30 minutes each, to consider these things.
Practice 7: Two 30-minute practice periods.
Here you will find pointers for getting started if this is your first encounter with this practice: Taking the Steps to Knowledge
Yes, Steps 4 and 5 are really very discomfiting when it is suggested that I want what I think I know and believe what I want to believe - while doing these steps I became flummoxed and started to doubt. However, upon reflecting on my life to this point, I realize that I got to where I am not through analysis and conditioning, but through going with my gut feeling, as though I were being guided by something deeper, more mysterious. If I had allowed my analytical mind to make the decisions, I would not be where I am today, since it really defies all logic. So I must have been guided by something else. I can say "I wanted to do what I did because I thought it was the right thing, it suited my preferences," but perhaps what was really happening was "I needed to do what I did" and unwittingly followed guidance from the Godforce (Knowledge) within me without even being consciously aware of it. In other words, if I substitute "I want" for "I need" in many situations, this puts things in a very different perspective, and I am thinking perhaps it is in fact Knowledge that has brought me to where I am today and not my personal beliefs and preferences.
This all crystallized clearly in mind while I was out for my morning jog just now, but now that I am back in front of the computer trying to express it words, a coherent way of putting it escapes me. All I can say is my doubts are leaving me and I totally agree with what another student wrote:
What is my true foundation? My source in God, where I came from, my Ancient Home. I understand that the spiritual part of me is what counts - not my physical body, not my thoughts, ideas and beliefs, not my hopes and desires, but the part of me that is beyond definition.