Step Ninety-Five

Step 95. How Can I Possibly Fulfill Myself?

How can you possibly fulfill yourself when you do not know who you are, when you do not know where you have come from or where you are going, when you do not know who has sent you and who will be waiting for you when you return? How can you possibly fulfill yourself alone when you are part of life itself? Can you fulfill yourself apart from life? Only in fantasy and imagination can you possibly even entertain the idea of fulfilling yourself. There is no fulfillment here, only increasing confusion. As the years progress, you will feel a growing darkness within you, as if a great opportunity has been lost. Do not lose this opportunity to realize life as it truly exists and to receive fulfillment as it is truly offered to you.

Only in imagination can you fulfill yourself otherwise, and imagination is not reality. Accepting this may at first seem like a limitation and a disappointment, for you already have designs and motives for your own personal fulfillment, whether they have been experienced or not. Your entire agenda for your fulfillment must now be brought into question, not to deprive you of anything of value, but to release you from a bondage which could only deceive and disappoint you in time. Therefore, accepting the hopelessness of your attempt to fulfill yourself opens you finally to receive the great gift which is available to you and which is awaiting you. This great gift is meant to be given through you into the world in a way that is specific for your happiness and for the happiness of those who will naturally be drawn to you.

How can you possibly fulfill yourself? Upon the hour today, repeat this question and give it a moment of serious consideration, regardless of your circumstances. As you practice upon the hour, look out into the world and see how people are trying to fulfill themselves, both in situations that now exist and in situations that are hoped for. Understand how much this separates them from life as it truly exists. Understand how this separates them from the mystery of their own existence and the wonder of life that they are free to encounter every moment of every day. Do not allow yourself to be so deprived. Fantasy will always paint a grand picture for you, but it has no foundation in reality. Only those who attempt to fortify each other’s fantasies will attempt relationship with each other for this purpose, and their disappointment will be mutual, for which they will be inclined to blame each other. Do not seek, then, that which can only bring you unhappiness and only destroy the great opportunity for relationship for you.

Upon the hour repeat this statement. In your two practice periods, enter stillness and receptivity so that you may learn to receive fulfillment as it truly exists.

Practice 95: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.

Here you will find the entire book free for download http://stepstoknowledge.com/

Here you will find pointers for getting started if this is your first encounter with this practice: Taking the Steps to Knowledge.

March 18, 2013 Round One: This is a very profound Step and what I understand most from it is that if I continue to live in separation I will be unable to fulfill myself. I can only fulfill myself and find my true purpose in the world by overcoming my separation from Knowledge. To live in separation means to live in fantasy, a world conjured up in my imagination. Instead I need to live from my soul.

As I consider the turning points in my life and engage in life mapping, as has been suggested during this session of the Free School, I am encouraged to find that my life so far has indeed been a series of serendipitous turning points that have brought me to where I am today, and really I have had no particular fantasies for myself. I have gone where I felt I was being guided, albeit at times unconsciously. In other words, a fuller understanding of Knowledge has only come to me recently, but it is as though I have been guided by it all my life without being fully aware of it. This gives me encouragement to hope (dare I use that word?) that things will continue in this way, especially now that I am consciously aware of the guidance of Knowledge, and I will be led to a recognition of my true purpose, know where I am going and where I have come from, and know where I will return.

October 18, 2014 Round Two: Indeed, how can I fulfill myself? If my life is not about me, there is no need to fulfill myself. I don’t nurture any fantasies about fulfilling myself. If anything, I feel I am already fulfilled or that I have nothing left to fulfill for myself. Anything further I do in this lifetime will be in service, in contribution to something greater than myself. By not striving to fulfill myself I am free to experience the mystery and the wonder of my life.

How can I possibly fulfill myself?

I can’t. And this it not the point. This is not an exercise in self-fulfillment.

"Therefore, accepting the hopelessness of your attempt to fulfill yourself opens you finally to receive the great gift which is available to you and which is awaiting you. This great gift is meant to be given through you into the world in a way that is specific for your happiness and for the happiness of those who will naturally be drawn to you." 

Marshall recently drew the World Community’s attention to Teaching #125 in Secrets of Heaven. And I just happened to open the book to that very page this morning. It says:

"Those who respond to us are given tasks which utilize them so greatly. For in this way, they recognize their greatness. How may greatness be recognized save by its application?"

I can only apply myself and wait to see what happens.

October 1, 2018 Round Three: I get this Step. I cannot fulfill myself when I am living in fantasy and apart from life. I need to be in the full swing of things, accepting what life is throwing my way. I need to be open and ready for the great opportunity being given me. I need to be one with life. Am I doing these things? I am laying low at the moment, nursing my cold, not bugging Greg about his great secret, not fretting over having no work, just going with the flow. I am living life in the here and now, being present to the moment and knowing that all the rest will unfold in its own sweet time. I am floating in calm waters today, no turbulence, no upset and happy for the reprieve, for who knows how things will be tomorrow. This Step leads on from the last. I can only be free to find my purpose if I am not trying to fulfill myself according to my own plans and fantasies. I need to be firmly anchored in reality, in the moment.

First meditation - 5.04 - 5.34 front room sitting in armchair. No noise from neighbors. Second meditation resting in afternoon - 14.32 - 15.02. Not deep, drifting off. Digesting what Greg told me about going to the U.S. to work for 3 months. My initial reaction was that this is Knowledge guiding him, that he will be in position to meet the people he is supposed to meet and do what he is supposed to do. But then doubts have been creeping in about how legitimate the job is, is it a real job, or will he get there and find he is in some hole in the wall? Claire is close by though and said she and Eric would bail him out if push came to shove. Wally and Julia would most likely help too. So being in Charleston seems like it might be a good thing.