Therefore, in your review, use this as a guidepost: “I will look, but I will not judge.” In this way, you will be able to recognize things. Remember how much easier it may be for you to have insight about another’s life and how little you may have about your own. Greater objectivity is possible with others because you are not attempting to use their life for any specific purpose and the extent to which you are, the less able you will be to understand them, their nature, their development or their destiny. Therefore, the less you attempt to use your life, the more you will be able to understand it, appreciate it and work with its intrinsic mechanism for your greater advancement.
Practice 35: Two 30-minute practice periods.
And so it is as I move on through the Steps, I realize that what has gone before remains with me, embedding itself in the core of my being, even without me being consciously aware of it, to erupt in moments of inspiration and insight when I can truly say that the truth is with me, I can feel it!
July 22, 2018 Round Three: First 30-min practice - sitting in kitchen 4.15 - 4.45 am.
Step 29. I will observe myself today.
Hourlies - did them all day. Main feeling - all is in harmony with myself and my life - feeling content, accomplished, easy, relaxed, in awe of the blessings of my life, enjoying Volodya’s absence, doing a lot in the garden, harvesting and processing cucumbers. I feel I am constantly self-checking. I allow my inner guidance to influence - this is learning in the Greater Community Way of Knowledge.
Step 30. Today I will observe my world.
Hourlies - did all day. Emphasis on non-judgment, just observing. It is hard not to put my own slant on the world, but if I proceed from the inner guidance I see a world struggling to survive.
Step 31. I wish to see a world I have never seen before.
I do wish to see the world as it really is, not the way I think it is, but I can only go from own experience. My desire represents my desire for Knowledge, for Knowledge comes from God and God is all Knowledge in the Universe - this I understand. I need to get past my emotions and operate from a higher vantage point, so I see the real situation without putting my own judgment on it.
Step 32. The Truth is with me. I can feel it.
Two 30-min contemplation practices using breathing to take me deeper. I felt this. I get this. Feeling the Truth is something I am familiar with.
Step 33. I have a mission in my life to fulfill.
Maybe my mission is just to demonstrate my life - my life, which is different from most people’s, demonstrate a life with Knowledge. I wish I could spark Knowledge in Volodya, but I feel he is too dense. But that is being judgmental, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. My mission involves the reclamation of Knowledge, but I am not to draw conclusions. It involves the proper engagement with others to bring about specific results in the world. As I reclaim Knowledge, its beneficence will shine on me and through me. I need to keep this uppermost in my mind, smile more, show how content I am, show how important silence is. I will put my finger on my lips to hush Volodya when he is being too intrusive and loud at inappropriate times.
Step 34. I am a beginning student of Knowledge.
Despite my accomplishments, intuition, self-honesty and mental capabilities, I am still a beginning student of Knowledge, so I am always aware I have more to learn. The light of Truth is shining upon me. First stillness practice. Stillness continues to be difficult for me, so I am still a beginning student.
I feel I have assimilated these Steps. The second 30-min practice was accomplished while writing in this journal.