Step Forty-Three

Christopher McCandless from Into the Wild

Step 43. My Will Is To Know God.

Your will is to know God. That is your true will. Any other desire or motivation is to escape this, which represents your will. It is your will that has become fearful to you. You are afraid of what you know and most deeply feel. This leads you to find refuge in other things that do not represent you, and in this you lose your identity and attempt to construct an identity that is related to those things which you have sought for escape. In isolation you are miserable, but in relationship happiness is regained.

Your will is to know God. Do not be afraid of your will. You are created by God. God’s will is to know you. Your will is to know God. There is no other will. All motivations other than this are born merely of confusion and fear. To know God gives God power and gives you power as well.

In Your Two Practice Periods Today, in silent meditation, practice feeling the strength of your own will. Do not let fear and doubt cloud your mind. You need not try to feel the will of God. It is simply there. It only requires your attention for you to recognize it. Therefore, practice deeply by simply being present to this experience.

Practice 43:
Two 30-minute practice periods.

Here you will find the entire book free for download

Here you will find pointers for getting started if this is your first encounter with this practice: Taking the Steps to Knowledge.

December 21, 2012 Round One: I am not afraid and will not let fear and doubt cloud my mind. My will is to know God. On this day, December 21, 2012, as we enter a new era of soul consciousness and step across a new threshold in the evolution of the Universe, enter a new gateway of possibilities, I too want to step through this doorway into a greater universe and greater life.

August 13, 2014 Round Two: "You are afraid of what you know and most deeply feel."

Do I know what I most deeply feel? Am I losing my identity by pursuing things that do not represent me? I would like to answer “no” to both of these questions. But I do not really know.

I feel I have a strong will and like to assert it. But I like to think that I do not assert my will on others. I am happy for others to do as they will. I am happy when others are happy. Again I come back to the realization that the power of God, knowing God, experiencing God is expressed in relationship. But I want to isolate. What does isolating mean though? I can be physically alone but still feel my connection with the whole of life. I can still feel I am not apart from life in physical isolation. Or can I? My daughter Claire’s favorite book is Into the Wild – the story of Christopher McCandless as related by John Krakauer. And her favorite line from the book is “happiness is only real when shared.” I often ponder this and wonder why I am so pulled to be a hermit.

In isolation you are miserable, but in relationship happiness is regained.

I wonder about this sentence. Does “isolation” mean “separation,” as in “separation from God?” Not physical isolation? Or does it mean physical isolation, living alone, living isolated from the rest of the world? Does relationship mean a relationship with a significant other, a physical person, or does it mean relationship with God, relationship with my True Self, relationship with everything else on a spiritual level? I believe I can experience that kind of relationship in physical isolation. Perhaps even more so than in a noisy, crowded, bustling world full of distractions and temptations.

I am just too self-opinionated. To know God I need to get over myself more.
July 30, 2018 Round Three: My questions the last time were legitimate and I think I’ve answered them. Relationship can mean all kinds of relationships - my relationship with myself, with God, with my Spiritual Teachers. In relationship I am not alone, even if I am living in physical isolation. Today I am not isolating, I don’t have that option, even if I wanted it. I am in a harmonious relationship with Sasha. Volodya is living here, so I have to think about my relationship with him and manage as best I can.
People are afraid of God, so seek other things to distract them from experiencing the power of God. I do not. My will is to know God, to experience the power of God and thus know my own power and strength. With God’s power, I am invincible and do not seek frivolous pursuits. I am not filled with doubt and fear. In meditation today, I am to feel the strength of my own will.
First 30-min meditation - 4.58-5.28 - sitting on bench in garden. It was overcast and cool. My will was to know God and I did. God is energy/vibration with a sound tone. It spreads out and raises you up. We are all made of the same stuff, we melt into this God energy and become one. God is all-encompassing, God is everywhere, but God is still. I become part of this energy, this vibration, and lose my physical self. God is the summation of all relationship. My true will is to know God and thus know my power and strength. I am gaining insight into this. I am experiencing it.

Second 30-min meditation - 14.45 - 15.15. Sasha left for Gorbatka because his laptop crashed. I had been skyping with Amina, ironing out the latest changes to Steps to Knowledge. I sent the final version to Kristina for posting on the website. Feeling very accomplished. I dozed off for about ten minutes during the practice. It seems 20 minutes is my limit these days. I did not go as deep during this practice.

Douglas wrote: Monday, July 21. I did the practice for Step 043. What does the strength of my will feel like? It's all kind of blurring together, the power of God, the strength of my will. Alisa put up her post about one year of blogging. We had 9,212 visits during her first year, so she had a significant impact. There were 621 visits from Russian-speakers, in 60 different Russian regions. 


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