Step Sixteen
Step
16. Beyond My Mind Is Knowledge.
Beyond your mind is Knowledge,
the true core of your being, your True Self, not the self that you have
constructed to negotiate the world, but your True Self. From this True Self
come thoughts and impressions, inclinations and direction. Most of what your True
Self communicates to you you cannot yet hear, but in time you will learn to
hear as your mind becomes still and as you develop the necessary refinement of
listening and discernment.
Today practice in three periods of 15 minutes each. Listen more carefully than the day before. Listen for deeper inclinations. Again you must listen without judgment. You must not edit anything. You must listen deeply so that you may learn to hear.
Practice 16: Three 15-minute practice periods.
Today practice in three periods of 15 minutes each. Listen more carefully than the day before. Listen for deeper inclinations. Again you must listen without judgment. You must not edit anything. You must listen deeply so that you may learn to hear.
Practice 16: Three 15-minute practice periods.
Here you will find pointers for getting started if this is your first encounter
with this practice: Taking
the Steps to Knowledge.
November 18, 2012 Round One: I often struggle with feelings of self-worth and condemn myself. Yesterday though, I heard a thought that spoke to me very
clearly, because it rang out to me from the hidden depths of my mind or soul -
"the true core of your being is pure, unsullied. It cannot be
marred."
I am trying to hold onto this truth and when I meditate on this Step, I can see this purity deep in my mind, my True Self.
I am trying to hold onto this truth and when I meditate on this Step, I can see this purity deep in my mind, my True Self.
July
15, 2014 Round Two: “The true core of your being is pure, unsullied, it cannot
be marred.”
I am still holding onto this truth and when I meditate on this Step, I can see this purity deep in my mind, my True Self.
I am still holding onto this truth and when I meditate on this Step, I can see this purity deep in my mind, my True Self.
First
practice – I am out in the woods. I picture myself filled with light and
stretching far beyond my physical body, reaching for the tree tops, blending
with the ether. I am not hearing much, I am not hearing any deeper
inclinations, but I am listening without judgment.
Second
practice - I see myself listening hard at a closed door, I am straining to
hear, listening carefully to receive some insight. I understand that I must
delve down deep below the surface of my mind to find the treasure that is my
True Self, that unsullied, pure, unmarred part of me.
Third
practice – my inclination is to go with the flow and do what I feel most like
doing, not what I feel I should do. Beyond my mind is the Presence, the Light
of my True Self. I do not fully understand it yet, but I trust it is my Source.
This
may all sound like airy-fairy, highfalutin words, but there is no other way to
describe it. I am still learning.
July 2, 2018 Round Three: For what it is worth, today I celebrate 12 years of sobriety. I know AAs who say that if you are no longer in AA (i.e. going to meetings, working the program), you don’t make a big deal about your sober birthday and don’t expect people to remember or congratulate you. There is even the insinuation that it doesn’t count. And indeed, no one remembers my DOS. Sometimes even I forget, because sobriety has long been a given in my life, something I don’t even think to question. There is no other way. There is no choice in this matter.
Knowledge is my True Self. I am to listen deeply to learn to hear what is coming from Knowledge - thoughts, impressions, inclinations, and direction. I understand that the animosity I feel toward Volodya is coming from my surface mind. But what about my inclination not to engage with him, ignore him to the extent possible, so that he doesn’t engage with me? Does he need to know that I don’t appreciate his company/presence, so that he will keep his distance? It seems to be working. He is not engaging with me. I only have to put up with him when he is engaging with Sasha in my vicinity. Sasha engages with him, he cannot do otherwise (it is part of his nature), so I grit my teeth when I am eating supper and Volodya is standing nearby yapping on about nothing.
First 15-min practice (4.16-4.31). I wanted to do it sitting on the bench in the garden, but it was muggy and the mosquitoes were abundant, so I came inside and sat in an armchair in the front room. I did not have total silence though. I could hear the neighbors through the wall - snoring, TV (low), then some agitated talking. I went through the gray opaqueness to the bright luminous place where my mind expands and I can hold myself in the light without the intrusion of extraneous thoughts. I know that Knowledge is beyond my mind.
I was unable to do the other two 15-min practice today. I tried to do the second one sitting against a tree in the garden, but Sasha kept distracting me, trying to get my attention and interrupting my stillness. So I can’t count it as a bone fide practice. I tried to do the third one at 20.00 before I went to sleep, but I feel asleep before the end of the 15 minutes.
July 3, 2018 I am going to try again today.
First 15-min practice. Sitting in the same armchair. Less noise from neighbors today. Room filled with the lovely aroma of blackcurrant leaves I am drying on the table. Meditation from 5.21-5.36. I entered the fire of Knowledge, the Light of Knowledge. I did not edit anything, I tried to listen deeply. I heard nothing consequential that caught my attention. I am feeling much better now after lying down again for half-an-hour. I went out into the light-filled garden before my practice. It was cool, invigorating, with dew on the grass. The plants all look as though they survived the lower temperatures during the night. They look fresh and happy. I like the feel of the cool dewy grass under my bare feet.
Second 15-min practice (11.58-21.13) - in the greenhouse. I keep thinking this would be a good place to practice. No one can see me, it is quiet, enclosed and peaceful, it has a wonderful ambience, I feel very good sitting among the tomato and pepper plants. It is close to Volodya, but he doesn’t see me. It was hot with the bright sun shining through the plexiglass, dry and mellowing. I was able to bask in the Light of Knowledge. I managed to stay in that place without thinking, some distraction from Volodya drilling.
Third 15-min practice didn’t work. I went out to the greenhouse again after seven in the evening, but the neighbors were playing loud music and there was no way I could shut my mind off from it. So I am calling the four practices I did over the past two days sufficient to move on. I shared with Hilary about it, as well as my feelings about Volodya and his intrusion and where they are coming from. Knowledge does not judge or criticise, so my thoughts are not from Knowledge, but the retinance I feel and the barrier I want to put up between us may be an inclination or direction from Knowledge. Volodya sucks my energy, like a vampire, he has to be avoided at all costs. His intrusion is debilitating and destructive.
July 2, 2018 Round Three: For what it is worth, today I celebrate 12 years of sobriety. I know AAs who say that if you are no longer in AA (i.e. going to meetings, working the program), you don’t make a big deal about your sober birthday and don’t expect people to remember or congratulate you. There is even the insinuation that it doesn’t count. And indeed, no one remembers my DOS. Sometimes even I forget, because sobriety has long been a given in my life, something I don’t even think to question. There is no other way. There is no choice in this matter.
Knowledge is my True Self. I am to listen deeply to learn to hear what is coming from Knowledge - thoughts, impressions, inclinations, and direction. I understand that the animosity I feel toward Volodya is coming from my surface mind. But what about my inclination not to engage with him, ignore him to the extent possible, so that he doesn’t engage with me? Does he need to know that I don’t appreciate his company/presence, so that he will keep his distance? It seems to be working. He is not engaging with me. I only have to put up with him when he is engaging with Sasha in my vicinity. Sasha engages with him, he cannot do otherwise (it is part of his nature), so I grit my teeth when I am eating supper and Volodya is standing nearby yapping on about nothing.
First 15-min practice (4.16-4.31). I wanted to do it sitting on the bench in the garden, but it was muggy and the mosquitoes were abundant, so I came inside and sat in an armchair in the front room. I did not have total silence though. I could hear the neighbors through the wall - snoring, TV (low), then some agitated talking. I went through the gray opaqueness to the bright luminous place where my mind expands and I can hold myself in the light without the intrusion of extraneous thoughts. I know that Knowledge is beyond my mind.
I was unable to do the other two 15-min practice today. I tried to do the second one sitting against a tree in the garden, but Sasha kept distracting me, trying to get my attention and interrupting my stillness. So I can’t count it as a bone fide practice. I tried to do the third one at 20.00 before I went to sleep, but I feel asleep before the end of the 15 minutes.
July 3, 2018 I am going to try again today.
First 15-min practice. Sitting in the same armchair. Less noise from neighbors today. Room filled with the lovely aroma of blackcurrant leaves I am drying on the table. Meditation from 5.21-5.36. I entered the fire of Knowledge, the Light of Knowledge. I did not edit anything, I tried to listen deeply. I heard nothing consequential that caught my attention. I am feeling much better now after lying down again for half-an-hour. I went out into the light-filled garden before my practice. It was cool, invigorating, with dew on the grass. The plants all look as though they survived the lower temperatures during the night. They look fresh and happy. I like the feel of the cool dewy grass under my bare feet.
Second 15-min practice (11.58-21.13) - in the greenhouse. I keep thinking this would be a good place to practice. No one can see me, it is quiet, enclosed and peaceful, it has a wonderful ambience, I feel very good sitting among the tomato and pepper plants. It is close to Volodya, but he doesn’t see me. It was hot with the bright sun shining through the plexiglass, dry and mellowing. I was able to bask in the Light of Knowledge. I managed to stay in that place without thinking, some distraction from Volodya drilling.
Third 15-min practice didn’t work. I went out to the greenhouse again after seven in the evening, but the neighbors were playing loud music and there was no way I could shut my mind off from it. So I am calling the four practices I did over the past two days sufficient to move on. I shared with Hilary about it, as well as my feelings about Volodya and his intrusion and where they are coming from. Knowledge does not judge or criticise, so my thoughts are not from Knowledge, but the retinance I feel and the barrier I want to put up between us may be an inclination or direction from Knowledge. Volodya sucks my energy, like a vampire, he has to be avoided at all costs. His intrusion is debilitating and destructive.
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