Therefore, in your two practice periods today, feel this love, support and direction. It is a feeling. It is not ideas. It is a feeling. It is something you must feel. Love is something you must feel to know. You are indeed loved, surrounded and supported by your Teachers, and you are very worthy of their great gift to you.
Practice 23: Two 15-minute practice periods.
I keep recalling an experience I had this summer when I was guided in meditation to make contact with the Higher Beings, my Higher Self as I thought, and when I asked for permission, I was told "NO!!", and when I asked why not, I was told I was not ready. But this contradicts my past experience when meditating on my own when I have only ever felt love, support, benevolence. So I am wondering if the person guiding me when I was rejected could have had some influence.
Whatever the case, I do not feel worthy today and am unable to feel this truth.
July 10, 2018 Round Three: It says that this requires great faith, but I do not need this faith any more - I am one of the few who has the promise and the opportunity to emerge from the sleep of my own imagination into the grace of Reality. I am one of the few who has the openness of mind and quality of attention that will allow me to see what is obviously occurring around me. It is a feeling. It is something I must feel to know. I feel this love, I feel the awareness awakening in me. I feel loved, surrounded and supported by the Teachers of God because I am worthy of their great gift for me
First practice - 5.20-5.35 - sitting on the bench in the garden. It was cool and pleasant, with a slight breeze picking up now and again. I was distracted some by thoughts of the butter dish Volodya talked about yesterday. I understood he wanted us to buy our own so that he can have the one we are using (which is his). Sasha didn’t get the hint. I am coming to a greater realization of how I am not mostpeople. I have a higher vantage point, but I don’t want this to make me too big for my boots. I want to retain my humility and compassion, but it is difficult when you are surrounded by people who are without Knowledge. I am being shown blatant examples of what this looks like. And it looks ugly, intrusive, manipulating, like a clinging goo I want to extricate myself from as quickly as possible.
Second practice - afternoon, resting in bed (14.41 - 14.56). The electricity was off when we came home from our walk, drenched to the skin because we got caught in a downpour. I was in a cranky mood for the rest of the day. I wanted to hibernate and not deal with the world, our uninvited house guests, Sasha’s intrusions. I wanted space to myself. Is this selfish and egotistical? I don’t think so. It is self-care. It is caring for my sanity. Even when I am cranky I feel loved, surrounded and supported by the Teachers of God. I felt better by teatime after I went and spent some time by myself at our property, sitting in the sun and enjoying the view and quiet.