In your two practice periods today, practice receiving once again the love, support and direction of your Teachers, and if any thought obstructs this, if any feeling prevents this, remind yourself of your great worthiness. You are worthy not for what you have done in the world. You are worthy for who you are, where you have come from and where you are going. Your life may be filled with errors and mistakes, wrong decisions and poor choices, but you have still come from your Ancient Home to which you will return. Your worthiness in the sight of God is unchanged. There is only great effort to repair your errors so that you may experience your True Self so that it may be rendered into the world.
Therefore, in your practice periods, practice receptivity and experiencing true worthiness. Let no thought conflict with the greatest truth of life.
Practice 24: Two 15-minute practice periods.
July 11, 2018 Round Three: I am God’s love, so how can I be unworthy of it? My Teachers surround me and provide that which I am so that I may experience myself and my true relationship with life. This sentence struck me deeply. I will not analyze it, but just say I have integrated it into my being. I do ask myself whether this is what I am experiencing now. Is it because I am experiencing myself and my true relationship with life that I feel discomfort around people who vibrate at a different energy level? Is this the reason for my crankiness and cattiness? The Step says I am not worthy for what I have done, I am worthy for who I am, where I have come from and where I am going. Despite all my errors here, I have come from my Ancient Home and that makes me worthy. I take comfort in this. I am to experience my True Self while I am in the world so that it may be rendered into the world. I am to let no thought conflict with the greatest truth of life. I am to practice experiencing worthiness.
I couldn’t do my early morning first practice. Volodya was out in the garden, coming down here to turn on the water. Then he came back down to turn it off. He would have passed right by me sitting on the bench if I had not seen him. He would have seen me go to the greenhouse too. And I want to remain unseen. Inside, Denis was snoring up a storm and the neighbors were awake and I could hear them talking through the wall. So no peace and quiet there either. So I will have to wait for a better time.
Volodya and Denis are leaving today. Such a relief. Sasha and I will be able to sleep in peace again and have the garden to ourselves. Volodya will be back around the 20th.
First 15-min practice - front room in the armchair after napping. No noise or distractions. I listened to Marshall’s Practicing the Presence earlier. So profound. I want to develop that peripheral, 3D listening, extending my listening out to the sides, behind, in front and above me, as though I am in a sphere of Stillness with the Presence. I want to know who the three male intrusions are in my emotional energy. Hilary saw three black orbs there. I am looking for clarity.
Second 15-min practice - bedtime 20.55-21.10. I didn’t fall asleep. I practiced feeling the Presence.