The one practice today of 45 minutes will be devoted to inner listening. This will require that you listen without judgment of yourself, even if the content of your thoughts is disturbing. Even if the content of your thoughts is disagreeable, you must listen without judgment to allow your mind to open. You are listening for something deeper than the mind, but you must go through the mind to get there.
Practice 15: One 45-minute practice period.
It was as though I travelled out into space beyond the confines of Earth, through the starry expanses until I found myself in a dark dark place, so dark and dense that I thought I would be unable to stand it, I would go mad with claustrophobia and want to battle my way out. But I let myself sink into this space, feel its denseness, feel its pitch blackness, like soot or black velvet, dense and impenetrable, accept it and even be prepared to stay there if that is what was meant to be. Then in the distance I saw a crack of light, a door slightly open, first very faint, but then the light becoming stronger, breaking through the dark with ever brilliant rays, until I stepped through it, blinded at first, but then finding myself in a beautiful landscape. A landscape so familiar, so luminous and fresh. And I knew I would always return to this place.
Such is the ability of my mind to conjure up fairy tales. I can tell myself it is not fantasy, but how do I know if I am telling myself the truth?
July 1, 2018 Round Three: This time I am more in tune with the contents of mind, I find I listen to my mind on a regular basis and am better able to distinguish my thoughts from Knowledge. I am comforted by the fact that I am to listen to my mind without judgment, even if the content of my thoughts is disturbing and disagreeable. I have disturbing, disagreeable thoughts about Volodya, I am aware of them. I feel I am doing a pretty good job about listening to the content of my mind and conscious of what I am thinking and feeling. I am to go through my mind to find out its true content.
The practice I did the first time - passing through a dark, dense place to reach a glorious luminous place of love and grace - has become a regular part of my practice. And each time I am able to pass boldly and fearlessly through the dark to reach the light. Disturbing thoughts this morning were about going down 16 points on Lumosity, even though I did not do terribly on any of the three games, just I did not do better. But I am only playing for myself, so there is no need to be disgruntled. Sometimes I do really well on all three games, but only go up one point, if at all. I just keep doing it and enjoying it anyway. I am listening to my experience and feeling that nothing really is bothering me, there is nothing to fret over or worry about. If my progress on Lumosity is the worst of my thoughts, I can’t be going far wrong - lol! I am doing what I am doing and all is well.