This statement represents the great folly of humanity and humanity’s most dangerous forms of self-deception. Beliefs are primarily founded upon what is wished for, not on what is actually happening and not on what is genuine. They may in fact represent the greater ideals of humanity and in this they bear a true reflection, but on a day-to-day basis, and in most practical questions, people base their beliefs on things they hope for, not on things that actually exist. You must have a very sound understanding that the approach to any resolution and to any constructive establishment must begin with current reality. What you are and what you have today must be your starting point.
Therefore, in your three practice periods today, think about this statement. Examine what you believe and then examine what you want. You will find that even your fearful or negative beliefs are associated with your ambitions. Only careful application of today’s practice will reveal this to you.
Practice 5: Three 10-minute practice periods.
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So my answer to the question "What do I believe?" is "I don't know any more." I want to believe that the Steps to Knowledge are leading me in the right direction, that is what I really want to believe. And I do, but am I only deceiving myself again and using it as self-justification?
I was reading The Initiation just now and the following passage jumped out at me:
"For them, it is not merely a teaching or a phenomenon. For them, it is not merely something to speculate about or to contend with or to deny and reject. To them, the Proclamation is not outrageous or unusual. It is the perfect thing. It is their Initiation. It holds their calling, speaking down the Ancient Corridors of their mind, speaking to a part of them they barely know, but which is the center of their Being and their presence in the world."