Step Three Hundred and Twenty
|River Osuga, Tverskaya Oblast, Russia (the place I refer to in Round One of my Steps practice)|
Understanding this, you will again realize the importance of Knowledge. You will again confirm how much you want to give to the world and how painful it is for you when this giving is obstructed or withheld. You have come to work in the world, and you want to do this completely so that when you leave, you leave with your gifts given and with everything presented. You have nothing to take Home with you from the world except the reclamation of relationships. With this understanding, you will become free to be in the world.
Upon the hour repeat today’s idea and recognize that to whatever extent you are still ambivalent about being in the world, your ambivalence is caused and is being perpetuated by your own intimidation and fear of the world. Remember this upon the hour so that you may learn the great lesson that is being taught today, the great lesson that you are becoming free to be in the world. Here you bring your Ancient Home with you. Here you will not attempt to escape the world simply because it frightens you, threatens you or depresses you.
You are here to give to the world, for Knowledge is greater than the world—the world only being a temporary place where Knowledge has been temporarily forgotten. In this, you will realize that which gives and that which receives, that which is great and that which is small. Your work in the world can now have your complete attention and devotion. Your work can now have your complete engagement. Thus, your physical life can become fully meaningful, purposeful and filled with value.
In your two deep meditation practices today, rekindle the fire of Knowledge within you by re-entering your sanctuary. Remember to be still. Remember to give yourself to practice. This is the work at hand. From this work your work in the world will be given freedom to express itself, and you who are within the world will be given the certainty and the comfort that your Ancient Home is with you.
Practice 320: Two 30-minute practice periods. Hourly practice.
I do not feel oppressed or intimidated by the world, nor do I fear the world. I am no longer ambivalent about being in the world. If there is anything I fear, it is being ridiculed, being thought of as someone to be ignored or written off because of my spiritual inclinations, because I am reclaiming Knowledge. However, I am coming to realize that not everyone is ready to reclaim Knowledge yet, so being ignored or written off is natural and it does not bother me as much as it used to. It no longer bothers me enough to hold me back from sharing my Steps experience. I want to be free to work within the world. It appears to me, though, that I am still missing the main point. I am still living in my fantasies.
When I enter my sanctuary of stillness, the place where Knowledge abides, my Teachers lovingly greet me, but they tell me I am still a beginning student with a lot to learn.
Little by little, however, it is easier to be in the world and I feel freer to work in the world. I am making progress.
P.S. Tom C. writes: ...there is freedom to record your thoughts because people mostly don’t care.